Why do guys love short women?
This question’s been around for ages, and when you ask most men, they just shrug and brush it off. Men don’t really think about stuff, so if they find someone attractive, they’re not gonna stop and think about why they feel that way. It just happens. The question then is whether they’re gonna go after her or not.
But that’s not our concern here. What we want to know is why guys prefer short women. A friend asked me this a few days ago and I couldn’t stop thinking about it, which is why I’m here now, writing this. I’ve known a lot of short girls in my time–friends, colleagues, acquaintances–so I think I have enough experience for a stable foundation. And now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, allons-y!
1. She will look young forever.
The thing about short girls is that it’s almost impossible to tell their age. She could be 22. Or 12. You’ll never know. And never, ever ask. This comes with a lot of perks: one moment she can be this mature, independent woman, and next she’s looking like a kid who lost her mom while out in public. Adorable. [Warning: DO NOT LOSE HER WHILE IN PUBLIC. Especially in the mall or at a grocery with tall stalls.]
Also, I noticed that short girls are really in touch with their inner child. I don’t know if this has something to do with the fact that they look a lot like the inner child that never grew up, but if you find her intensely coloring in a Disney princess coloring book, don’t be surprised. Join in. It’s fun. Remember, Aurora’s dress is pink. Cinderella has the blue one. Belle has the gold, shimmering one, I think. Don’t mix them up.
2. She looks adorable when angry.
Remember Modern Family’s Phil Dunphy and his Phil’s-osophies? I’m twisting around my favorite one here:
It’s a universal truth: short girls look hella adorable when they’re angry, which is why dating them kinda makes a lot of sense. If you’re planning on a long, committed relationship, there are gonna be fights, disappointments. Look for someone who looks hot–or, in this case, adorable–during these moments. It will make everything a lot better.
But whatever you do, don’t think that just because they look adorable that this gives you leave not to listen to them. No matter how cute they look, they are still angry. Probably because you fucked up. Again. Remember Bernadette from The Big Bang Theory? You do not want to get on her bad side.
3. She shops at the store’s Kid’s Section.
Okay, confession time: I want to go shopping for clothes at the Kid’s Section of department stores because they have really awesome designs. But a grown man browsing through kid’s clothing isn’t exactly the most socially-acceptable type of behavior, and my beard doesn’t help at all with the pervy vibe. But when you’re dating a short girl, shopping at the Kid’s Section is to be expected. And enjoyed.
Now I can buy t-shirts like these:
…and not look like a total pedobear while I do it. Awesomesauce.
4. You can carry her anytime.
This is actually very helpful, especially when you’re in a tight spot. If, for example, the girl easily gets freaked out while jaywalking across a busy street, you can scoop her up no problem. When her feet hurt from wearing unbelievably high heels, you can give her a piggyback ride without even breaking a sweat. Or when she falls asleep on the couch during a Lord of the Rings marathon, you can carry her to bed and tuck her in. Just don’t hit her head on the door frame. She might just claw your eyes out before she’s even fully conscious.
This also has, uh…practical applications in…other…pursuits. You know, you can, uh…lift her…and stuff…for reasons.
Oh you know what I mean.
5. Hugs are awesome.
Who doesn’t like hugging short girls? When their head stops right below your chin, and you can do the forehead kissy thing anytime without needing to stand on your tiptoes…it’s great. Also, is it just me or do short girls really give the best hugs? I mean seriously, a hug from a short girl is a moment to cherish. If you can, stretch it out to ten Mississippis, at least. It’s awesome, I promise.
And yes, I count Mississippily. Except in tanning salons. I don’t want to end up like Ross.
Bonus: What you should get from the five reasons I just went through is that short girls are adorable. But don’t forget they are also very, very hot. Short girls easily straddle that line between cute and sexy, and they offer the best of both worlds. So get out there, and fall in love with a short girl.
And once you do, let me know. I have. We should form a club.