In case you don’t know what I’m talking about, take a look at this. I’m pretty sure you know who they are even if you’ve never watched the show before.
FRIENDS is one of the most awesome things I’ve ever encountered. I didn’t watch it while it first aired. I was a kid then. The shows I watched ranged from animes like Naruto, Rurouni Kenshin, and Flame of Recca, to afternoon shows like Doraemon and whatever crap was on Disney Channel.
I only got to watch the show when I was already in college, sometime in 2010. I kept seeing gifs of the show on Tumblr and I got really curious so I tried it out. I bought a DVD of the first season, and I haven’t stopped watching and re-watching the episodes since then. Incidentally, this is also how I got to watching Team Starkid shows like A Very Potter Musical, and the Buffy the Vampire Slayer series.
Anyway, back to FRIENDS. This show will always have a special place in my heart. The thing about this show is that everyone can relate to it. FRIENDS is, just like the title suggests, about the power of friendship and how our friends help us get through life. This show taught me that life is crap, but having friends will make things a whole lot better. Another great thing about the show is that there are a lot of lessons that you can learn from the show and its characters, and almost all of the things from the show can be applied to everyday life.
Here are some of the lessons that I learned from FRIENDS:
1. Never go on a “break”. Ever. Unless you want to be like Ross and Rachel who spent seven years getting back together, breaking up, getting back together, and breaking up again, then having a baby, then getting back together. If you want to break up with someone, make it clean. And yes, for my money, ‘we were on a break’ is a legitimate excuse, so to avoid it, don’t go on a break in the first place.
2. It’s not that common, it doesn’t happen to every guy, and IT IS A BIG DEAL! I don’t think I have to elaborate much on this except to reiterate what Chandler said: “I knew it!”
3. Everybody has a lobster. This saying has been so popularized by Phoebe that people actually started believing that you can see lobster soulmates walking around the beach with their claws linked together. No matter what science says though, you’re gonna find your lobster someday, just like Ross and Rachel did.
4. For more space in bed, use the ‘hug and roll’ technique. Cuddling in bed is adorable and romantic and everything, but sometimes you just need some space when you’re sleeping. Also, if you’re the guy, your shoulder muscles get sore after a few hours. So when you need space:
5. Yemen is a good place to escape unwanted girlfriends. Especially if said girlfriend makes terrifying noises when she laughs, or was married to a mattress king.
6. You can do a lot with just cups and ice. Unless you’re working with Monica in planning some party, this isn’t gonna help you much. However, you can apply it in life by thinking like this: you’re not always going to get the best jobs, but anything worth doing is worth doing well.
7. Always say the right name at the altar. Especially if its your second marriage and you don’t need another divorce under your belt. If you’re the third party in this scenario, stay the hell away from London. Or, at the very least, listen to Dr. House.
8. Don’t count ‘mississippily’ when in a tanning booth. Unless you want to look like a burned carrot.
9. “How you doin‘” never fails. I mean, come on, how do you say no to this?
10. If stung by a jellyfish, pee on it. Keep that in mind next time you go to the beach. Remember though, once it has happened, you never talk about it again. Ever.
11. Never let a monkey near a TV remote. Unless you want to watch everything in Spanish.
12. There should be no ‘cupping’ while getting measured for pants. That only happens in prison. And in some medical exams.
13. It is not smelly cat’s fault. Everybody, I direct your attention to this tweet by none other than the gorgeous and awesome Emma Watson:
14. Always read make-up letters all the way through, even if they are eighteen pages FRONT AND BACK. There are two important things to keep in mind here. One, you should really drink a lot of coffee while reading a make-up letter. The other person might have written some things that you don’t agree with. The second lesson is that when you’re writing a make-up letter, you really should keep it on the short side. No one wants to read something that long.
15. A nap with your best friends could be the best nap you ever had. Watching Die Hard before said nap will make it a whole lot better too. Just make sure you don’t get caught by your other friends while in compromising positions.
16. There is no such thing as shark porn. Before assuming that your husband is weird because you walked in on him zipping up his pants while watching Shark Week, make sure that he didn’t switch the channel from regular all-American girl-on-girl porn when you opened the door.
17. A ‘Day of Fun’ is a good way to get to know someone. At least, that’s what Janice would want us to think. Joey didn’t look too thrilled.
18. Everybody has an identical hand twin. And you can make great money when you finally meet your hand twin and convince them to put on a show with you. Because sane people will pay just to see you and your identical hand twin.
19. When you can’t think of a good fake name, go for Regina Phalange or Ken Adams.
20. When moving a couch up the stairs, PIVOT!
21. Always double-check your measurements when making an entertainment unit. Unless you want your doors to be partly blocked. This little nugget of wisdom comes with a lot of other things as well, like: (a) try not to wear super-tight pants while working on a construction project; (b) it’s an electric drill–you get me, you kill me; (c) don’t get in the entertainment system because you might get locked in and robbed; and (d) Monica will kill you if you rip out a part of her bathroom floor.
22. Playing too much on arcade machines can lead to getting ‘The Claw’.
23. Never pose for a V.D. campaign. Or else everyone would think that you have a communicable disease. Your family will shun you and you’ll end up having Thanksgiving at your friends’ apartment. Which might not be that bad.
24. ‘Pheebs’ is short for Phoebe. It’s not just what we call our friends. Similar thing: the Adam’s apple is not named after each individual man. So if your name is Joey, it’s still called the Adam’s apple, not Joey’s apple.
25. Maternity pants are not only fashionable, they are also very useful when stealing melons from grocery stores.
26. Around the fourth month of pregnancy, everyone will look desirable to you. This is called the Evander Holyfield phase. It’s called that because Phoebe tried to steal a cutout of Evander Holyfield when she was pregnant with her brother’s triplets. Yeah, long story.
27. The best way to make someone laugh and/or scare them to death is to put a turkey on your head and walk into a room. Bonus points if you decorate it with large sunglasses and a hat.
28. Thanksgiving is never a nice, quiet dinner. You may risk getting your toe cut off by a flying knife, your high school boyfriend may or may not be cheating on you, or someone might accidentally cook beef into the dessert.
29. Unagi isn’t just eel. It’s the total state of awareness. And it’s not just something you have, it’s something you are. Only by achieving true unagi can you be prepared for any danger that may befall you.
30. It is never a good idea to hide a relationship from your friends. They’re going to find out sooner or later. Also, when you know two of your best friends are secretly dating, it’s better to play the “they don’t know we know they know we know” game than to reveal you all know by singing in a barber shop quartet.
31. Think before you decide to dance naked in your apartment. People can see you across the street. Wise investment? Curtains.
32. Don’t leave teeth whitening gel on for longer than recommended. Or you’re going to end up with blindingly-white teeth. On the plus side though, you’re going to be a hit when you go to a club with black lights.
33. Never bet your apartment. When playing a game of ‘who knows who’, it’s better to bet and lose money than to lose your apartment. The apartment you get in the trade might not be as sanitized as you’d like.
34. Everyone’s entitled to a freebie list. When you’re in a relationship, you’re entitled to have a list of five celebrities that you can sleep with if the opportunity arises. Remember though, geography matters. To keep your chances high, pick celebrities who are in the country most of the time. It’s up to you if you want your list laminated.
35. There are seven basic erogenous zones. You got one, two, three, four, five, six, and seven. All right. You could start out with a little one. A two. A one, two, three. A three. A five. A four. A three, two. Two. A two, four, six. Two, four, six. Four. Two. Two. Four, seven! Five, seven! Six, seven! Seven! Seven! Seven! Seven! Seven! Seven! Seven! Seven! Seven!
I’m sure that there are a lot more lessons out there, but these are the ones that came to mind while I was writing this post. If you have any other suggestions, if you think that I missed some pretty glaring things, then feel free to comment or contact me through any of these ways. In the meantime, here’s a great song I know none of you are tired of hearing: