What Goes Through a Guy’s Head When He’s Falling in Love

A few friends have been asking me to write about something more ‘serious’ and ‘meaningful’ on this blog since, according to them, I’ve only been writing about shallow stuff that don’t really help anyone (yeah, thanks guys). So I asked them what they wanted to see on my blog and one of them–a small, usually timid girl who likes the concept of love way too much–suggested that I write about what goes through a guy’s head while he’s falling in love.

It was then that I realized that women don’t really know what goes on in a guy’s head most of the time. Sexist stereotypes dictate that women are the logical ones–sometimes maybe too logical. They think and re-think things until the problem gets way too complicated for them to understand. On the other hand, men are easily distracted and can forget their problems at the sight of a bacon cheeseburger, or boobs.

Um…huh. Those are…hmm. What were we talking about?

For those of you who are interested, this article on the stages that men have to go through before deciding that they are inexorably and irrevocably in love says it all: it is a long process, and it doesn’t stop even when we’ve already gotten the girl. As the article succinctly puts, the main goal of men at the start is to get the girl to fall in love with him. Only when we are in the clear do we start thinking about where we really stand. But more on that later.

In an attempt to get more substance for this post, I asked some of my male friends to give me answers and (as expected) only one of them answered (and only with the promise of beer and food). This is what he said to me:

“We dream, we dream of the future with that one person. Every second of every day, that girl will be in our head no matter how hard we try to get them out. We find ourselves daydreaming about them. Girls may think it’s only them that smile for no reason or get butterflies. No, not at all. We get the same feeling as girls do. Well, the good guys do. There are guys who fall too hard and too fast because we love that feeling of finally having a good girl. We fall too hard because we need reassurance that they won’t leave us and that they’ll always be there.

Girls need to learn that when a guy tries his hardest to keep you in his life, you mean a little more to him than anyone else. We understand that you guys are scared to get hurt but in all honesty, we are as scared as you guys are–at least I am. We could fall for anyone who treats us special, but we want to be assured that at the end of the day, we fall for a girl who treats us as her life. You know some guys find girls that are only beautiful on the outside. And then there are guys who find girls that are only beautiful on the inside. But then, only a couple of guys can get lucky and find that one girl who’s beautiful inside and out. We’re scared for that one to get away. You may assume that the only thing we think about is sex. But it’s nowhere even near that. We think of what’s best for you guys, and we’re scared. We think of anything and everything to please you.”

Well, that’s his take anyway. I agree with it for the most part but this is my blog and I’ve been asked to provide my own point of view. (The dude who wrote that one up there also warned me that I will receive serious bodily harm if I post his answer without giving my own, so there’s that.)

So anyway, here goes.

Remember, the question is this: What goes through a guy’s mind when he’s falling for a girl?

It’s pretty simple, really. Our mind goes from thinking that we’re all logical and smart to, basically, “askjdlkjglkasjiouwdkns”. Even the smartest person on earth will be as dumb as the next guy when he’s in love. It kind of sneaks up on you. When you get to see her, everything’s more defined. It’s like when I put on glasses for the first time after putting it off for years. I was like, ‘Holy Hera, everything’s in Hi-Def’. Being with that particular girl is like that. The colors are more vibrant, the edges of objects crisper. Nothing sucks.

When she’s gone, all of a sudden you find yourself wanting to see her more–and you don’t really know or understand why. It’s just something about her…something about her makes you smile. You talk to her as much as you can, or you try to anyways. You send her Tweets or comment on her Facebook posts just so you’d have this tangible connection. A few days ago, I saw a Tweet saying that waiting for someone to come online is a painful and sometimes heartbreaking thing–you have no idea how true that is.

And even though you try to talk to her all the time, there are moments when you’re just at a loss for words. It’s because she’s gorgeous, in more ways than one, and you literally lose every thought in your mind. The only thing going through a guy’s mind at this time is “wow…this girl is…wow”, and he wants to tell her that.

You want to tell her that, but something’s holding you back. It’s not the right time, or you might scare her off. Sometimes these fears are irrational, but sometimes we have reasons for thinking so. The girl could have been hurt in the past by a guy and you don’t want to be associated with him by a stereotype, or the girl might be doing something that makes us think they’re not interested, or maybe the girl’s giving off a vibe that you’re creeping her out–something along those lines.

Anyway, as you come up with more and more convoluted ways to talk to her, time passes by. Days, weeks, months. No matter how long it takes, you find it strange when a day passes by without you talking to her. She’s on your mind all the damn time. Thoughts like “man, I wish she was here” or “I can’t get over how pretty her eyes are in this picture” race through your head, all the while trying to justify that you’re not stalking, you’re just concerned. You miss her.

And if you’re lucky enough, you might just be able to jump onto the next level. Before you know it, you’re with her and your heart starts racing as your body begins to get shaky. You don’t want her to see your hands trembling, but short of taping it to the wall, you can’t do anything about it. You’re that nervous. In front of everyone, you flirt a little bit with her just to test the waters. And if she plays back, you swallow everything and lightly go to take her hand. In front of every one.

Your friends are cheering you on in their heads. You can see it in their eyes–the pride, the urging. Because of course they know all about the girl. Guys usually don’t care much about secrets–not as much as girls seemingly do, anyway.

And then you look into her eyes just to see if she’s just as nervous as you are…..and at that point it’s fair to say you’ve fallen for the girl. Maybe not totally gone off the ledge, fallen in love. But she’s definitely going to be in almost every thought you have. And every moment you’re not with her, you’re going to wish you were. And if you’re lucky enough to reach the point where she starts taking your hand first? Good luck son. Heart will be skipping beats, running around willy-nilly while you try not to have a heart attack every time you see her. Pulse will be skyrocketing. Words may even stutter. I guess what I’m getting at is, a girl is kind of like an addiction. Not in a bad way (most of the time). But once one catches your attention, you can never get enough of her. You want more. You want to see her more. You want to hold her more. And above all else you want her to smile more…because all of those things, they give you a rush you just can’t replace.


85 thoughts on “What Goes Through a Guy’s Head When He’s Falling in Love

  1. Pingback: Celebrating the Love Month: A Valentine’s Day Anthology | Coffee and Keystrokes

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  3. Wow! Just wow! I wouldn’t think that a guy would have such an all-encompassing experience of falling in love. But it seems like more than what a girl goes through. Pretty amazing! Well done!

  4. wow!!! i wish my husabnd said things like that …. i agree with Natalie , it’s nice to know not all men are like ” I am man , you are woman” about love and relationships

  5. Wow this is the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. It’s nice to know that a guy can really open up and say that. Thanks so much! I’ve been confused in a friendship turning into a relationship and this helped a lot. I’m glad we aren’t the only ones who think this stuff.

    • Most guys have this stoic facade but deep down, we’re as big a softie as everyone else. We get scared, we get butterflies, we fall in love. I’m glad you liked it, and I’m glad I’m able to help.

    • Thanks, Angela! Don’t worry, most men I know feel these things. It’s just a matter of coaxing these feelings out of ’em. But even if they don’t admit it, you should know that it’s there. Deep down.

  6. I’m wondering whether I’ve had that effect on a certain guy… He always seems so cool on the surface. I wish I could read his mind.

    Those boobs are really pretty.

  7. Simply beautiful! I read this at least once a day! Maybe because I like to think HE feels this way about me……*sigh* 😉

  8. The blog is awsum nd reallity as well as the truth u studied the mind of a boy very well… And once again its awsome!!!!

  9. This is amazing!!! A real look into it!
    It’s really nice to know that you guys experience everything the same way we do.
    The constant ache for each other, the fear and butterflies…
    It was always a bit of a mystery, especially as guys always seem to play it so cool!! 😀 Actually, it seems like you experience it even harder than we do! And i think that’s beautiful.
    Thanks 🙂

    • Oh, guys are just as (sometimes even more) emotional as girls. But we don’t know how to deal with it so we keep it buried. Don’t worry though, it’s there.

      And thanks, btw!

  10. I’m really glad I ran across this post. You have answered about every single question I’ve had on my mind for about the past 2 weeks to the past month. It’s nice to finally see a guys perspective on this, because I’ve seen articles on the internet that girls have written and they just didn’t answer my questions and concerns. Now though, to actually hear that guys get butterflies and are just as nervous as girls, it really helps me understand a few things. It’s also nice to finally know the answer to the question, “Do I cross his mind as much as he crosses mine?” Thanks for this post, you’ve really been a great help, more than you know!!

    • Hi Sally! When I wrote this, I wasn’t thinking of helping people. I just wanted to get it out there that guys are not the macho, poker-faced automatons they seemed to be when it comes to feelings. They’re as sappy as everyone else. But looking at all the comments from readers, I’m touched that I’ve been able to help and inform.

      So how is this gonna change the way you deal with guys then? Let me know!

  11. I think I finally understand what Love is all about. This article has opened my eyes about my blossoming realtionship. I have never felt like this before and I now know that it is something very special indeed. Thanks for this brilliant insight on love from a male’s point of view.

  12. I was wondering, how should a girl reply to a guy saying things like “All girls who kickbox are hot” or “I want to marry a girl who kickboxes” (he found out that I kickbox and started saying things like this and I just didn’t know how to respond so I didn’t say anything.) He even twirled me around when we danced to a slow song, would sometimes touch my feet with his when he sits behind me. But he wouldn’t look at me directly and would look to the side of my face? The thing is, this was before summer break. Now, after the summer, he doesn’t say those things but he somehow finds some excuses to touch me (rarely) and he would wave at me. We rarely have a chance to talk though, and I don’t want him to think that I’m not interested at all because I really am–I just don’t really show it lol he is a really really smart guy, a year younger than me, and is very sweet towards his younger sisters. How do I get him to know that I am interested without being too forward?
    I am 17, he is 16

    • Talk to him! Find excuses to spend time with him! And when you do, look into his eyes all the damn time. If he’s smart, he’ll figure it out! (And he totally sounds like a great guy. Good catch, Ally!)

  13. Thank you for this post! Sometimes I wonder with this guy I talk to everyday on the phone if he thinks about me as much as I think about him….hard to know sometimes what runs through their minds. 🙂

    • Sweetie, if he spends time talking to you on the phone, he’s into you. Most guys HATE talking on the phone. And trust me, if he’s into you, then you’re probably in his head 90% of the time. So good luck!

  14. Dude…I just read ur article on how a guy feels when he’s in love. I found ur article pretty sweet ,honest and funny too. 🙂
    There’s been this guy in my head and ur article sort of gives me hope..also clears many of my doubts . Keep up the writings 🙂 it’s pretty cool

  15. Thank you for the article- very helpful. This guy I have been texting and talking on the phone with seemed quiet for the past 2 days. He seems more quiet than usual since we met on 3 days ago and I said I was not hungry ( I REALLY WAS NOT FEELING WELL) when we made dinner plans & I only had tea & said I cant go to the restaurant and eat. I texted the next day to say sorry and make arrangements for the following weekend & he said OK… but still he more quiet than usual & no initiation of contact as he usually does.
    I did say I want 2 be friends because he came on too strong and I wanted to make sure he was not a player. He listens and will not do something I don’t like again. I really like that and I want to make sure I get a chance to make up for my mistake. Am I over thinking it?

    • Hi Rose! The length of this comment is making me say yes, you’re overthinking it. But guess what, you’re allowed to overthink. That’s not a bad thing, as long as you don’t let it rule you. Have fun, let loose, and use your words. It always works, I promise.

  16. That really is so true, I am quite open to admit I am secretly a soppy git, I never used to let this come out of me, but after nearly 4 years of what has become a beautiful relationship I am with someone who does not want the big macho bloke, they are happy with me being me.
    I aim to do nothing else by the end of the day other than insure my lady is happy with me, because that brings me joy 🙂

  17. This made my heart melt. Now I have a better understanding of how the guy I’m dating feels. The first part about the guy wanting the girl to fall first hit home. My guy has asked twice “Do you love me yet?”

    • Hi Shannon! Guys are inherently vulnerable. They need that assurance that the girl they like likes them back before they admit to themselves that they are irrevocably, head over heels in love. If he asks that, chances are he’s smitten. Congratulations!

  18. This is so true. My boyfriend of 3months a few weeks ago told me he was falling in love with me and at the very end he asked me was that ok with me after telling me and of course I said yes and that I’m falling for you too. (Yes we’rd both old fashioned lol and from Louisiana. Lmbo dated 3months before getting in a relationship so almost 7months total.) A few days ago he called me at 3am just to tell me how happy he is to have someone to talk no matter the time and just knowing I’m here waiting for him to come home puts a smile on his face even on his worst days. (He works off shore on a rig.) It wasn’t until two days ago did I realized I was inlove with him. I was at work and my coworker was talking another her hubby and I immediately thought about my bf bc he was gone 2weeks offshore. Out of no where my stomach was upset like I had butterflies and my breathing got shallow. I was anxious, excited, and panicking all at the same time. My friend asked what was wrong… Then it hit me out of no where. Right then and there I couldn’t imagine my life without this amazing man at my side. This is th first time this had ever happen to me. My friends and I laugh about it now but it was truly like being hit by Cupid’s arrow. My grandma was right, true love hits you out of no where and every day w/o that person will always feel like your missing a piece of your self. (^_^)

  19. Damn, these are my exact thoughts and feelings. His eyes tell a story, and I read them like a book! He’s in love with me and I with him! I own his heart, undoubtedly.

  20. I’m not even sure how I ended up here, but I am so glad I did.
    Everything I read was beautiful, I had butterflies and even read some parts twice to make sure I read it correctly.
    I did read one comment that stated men should not be afraid to share such thoughts Bc some women want to hear this. I have always been the romantic type, but to hear a man confess these things as I have, and you don’t share the same feelings,it Is an awful feeling. Careful what you wish for.

  21. Wow. i’ve always wondered whatvit was like for a guy, now I can totally understand why my boyfriend has maybe done certain things in the last and in the present. it totally makes sense. The way you said it was just so heartwarming! Like what you were trying to explain was so difficult you had to try and describe what you meant in so many different ways and you still aren’t sure if you managed to put your point across clearly. I thoroughly enjoyed the read 🙂

  22. A little late here… but this really made me happy. I’ve been talking to a guy for 2 months and he already has told me he loves me and thinks I’m precious (awww). He’s in New York and I’m in Texas so we skype almost every day…he’s coming to see me in a few days and I’m so excited! He even offered to pay for me to come see him for 2 weeks this summer, if not just stay with him the whole summer break. My gut feeling says this is real and I’m such a lucky girl!

  23. And what happens…and how would you feel if that girl left you after you confided a secret you’ve been keeping. But after some thought she came back. Could you open your heart to her again or would you be afraid to love her again.

    • Trusting her again could be hard, Lyla. But that’s what loving is. Taking a risk. Giving her the knife and baring your vulnerabilities. What you have to figure out is, is he/she worth it?

  24. I’m in a long distance relationship with a guy who I know is crazy in love with me because I can feel it and he always finds a way to let me know it! What you have written reminds me sooo much of him, we haven’t met in person yet since we’re literally seas apart but we’ll meet soon and I just can’t wait, sometimes I think he’s a catfish because he’s too amazing haha but I know he’s not! Girls, there are romantic and great men out there, don’t lose your hopes!

    Thanks for writing this gem! God bless you 🙂

  25. Ok… So I was a bit concerned about the content of this blog, before I read it, when I just saw the picture of boobs lol.. But I’m glad I did read it!!! I ended up here randomly but you gave me chills!!!! I’m lucky enough to have a man that is willing to share these things with me. We’re like.. Head over heels in love with each other and are very open about telling each other. Everything you described just makes me smile and possibly even love him more. Beautifully written, and I hope to read more from you!

  26. I am very fortunate to have a guy like this. And guys like him are precious jewels. Am not religious at all …but it seems like a match made in heaven!

  27. Excellent article, thank you for sharing. Is it possible that when a guy really likes a woman he can go the other way completely and clam up in her presence? I have been dating for about two months, and the man is something special….I can tell by his body mannerisms that he likes me a lot. I felt there was no mental connection developing and thought it best we revert to friends only. He said that when he likes someone a lot he gets very shy and finds it hard to talk and open up and this has been a problem for him in the past when he liked someone. With others he said he can chat freely when he is not bothered about them. This does make sense to me because I am the other way….I chat too much when I really like someone, it’s like a nervousness takes over my brain. Has anyone else had this situation where a guy can clam up when they really like you?

    • This could happen, of course. We all react to attraction differently. But, as John Green would say: USE YOUR WORDS. If you know he’s shy, be the one to reach out. You’ll be glad you did.

  28. First of all, thanks for this. I’ve been wanting to know what guys really feel when they fall in love, and this is the first article that I’ve read that really answered my question. This is raw emotion, man! It’s great. 🙂

    I checked your other blog entry, and it seems you met your current girlfriend *after* this article was written. So obviously you’ve fallen in love more than once. Does it feel different, falling in love with another person? Or is it the same thing over again?

    • It’s different for each person, of course. I’ve fallen in love more than once and in varying degrees. Sometimes it’s just a yearning to be with that person, other times it’s a burning desire that cannot be quenched by anything less than intimacy.

  29. Thank you for sharing , it’s so good to finally feel relieved that guys are careful what they do or say. That explains why my boyfriend can’t be more open with his feelings as much as I am with mine. I let him know exactly how I feel when I see him, the only thing that worries me is that he can’t express it back. I guess it’s okay and all I have to do is wait patiently when he finally tells me he loves me , it’s been 6 month now and I’ve just been so patient with him when it comes to being more open with me , I just can’t get over that he was seeing this girl for 3 months and he tells her he loved her. And it’s 6 months for us and he can’t even tell me how he really feels. Oh well all I can do is wait.:/

    • Hi Jen!

      What I’m getting from this is that your man may be afraid to say he loves you too fast. If he only dated the other girl from three months, he might be thinking that he isn’t ready to admit he’s in love with someone again too quickly, and wants to take things slow. Help him open up. Help him know that you two are going to be fine, that you won’t wreck his heart once he hands it to you.

      Good luck!

  30. Hi, ive just read this to give me a little peace of mind and I really liked it…I would like a little guy advice on wether the guy ive been meeting is loosing interest, we’ve only been dating 2 weeks buts we’ve seen each other everyday! At first he was very truthful about his feelings, for example…telling me that “its irrational to feel this way about a girl after this short amount of time” “I wanna be with you” “I feel like I could fall in love with you”
    I totally feel the same and I have in a round about way agreed with his feelings about me feeling the same, however now I feel like I need that constant reassurance that he still feels that way, i know hes busy with work and things but now sometimes I dont get any messages in the morning, we dont chat as often even though he still tells me hes thinking about me, but I feel like ive fallen really hard for him and now he knows this, its like his feelings aren’t as the way they were at the beginning and now it’s like im the one whos needing to tell him how much I miss him, but im scares its going yo freak him out but also I feel lile I need to get it off my cheat that ive fallen for him before I get in too deep and get hurt, what the hell do I do??

    • Hi Laura Jen!

      How are things? If this is still the case, I’d recommend just talking to him. In the immortal words of John Green: use your words. It’s a win-win. If you tell him how he feel and he doesn’t feel the same way, walk away. You’d have been spared the hurt. If he does feel the same way, then go forth and multiply.

  31. I loved your article so much. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. The last month I have been searching through the internet if there are some hints on what a man thinks or what it means when he does certain things. Now, I feel more comfortable because he might feel the same as I do. So overwhelmed, confused, raised heart beat, blushing (except for the fact that he doesn’t blush) …
    The problem is that we know each other for 2 years now and are really good friends. We talk about everything and something switched. I don’t even really know what it was, probably the more intimate conversations. He is so curious about me, asks a lot of questions, accidentally touches me (not sexually), accepts that I haven’t had sex before and since last month I think I like him more than a friend.
    I hope something like that goes on in his mind as in your article. If you have some advise, I would be very thankful.
    Love your way of writing.

    • Hi Jeanne!

      Looks like you have a good man there. What’s the problem, exactly? If you like him and you’re not sure if he does too, talk to him. Believe me, it will help. If it doesn’t, I will give you my home address so you can come to me and punch me in the face. Sound good?

  32. Omg that’s so amazing to know what goes through a guys mind when he’s with a girl he really really really likes. I read this because I’m writing a novel for school and I need to write from a guys point a view. Thanks so much for this post…very helpful!!!

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