What Goes Through a Guy’s Head When He’s Falling in Love

A few friends have been asking me to write about something more ‘serious’ and ‘meaningful’ on this blog since, according to them, I’ve only been writing about shallow stuff that don’t really help anyone (yeah, thanks guys). So I asked them what they wanted to see on my blog and one of them–a small, usually timid girl who likes the concept of love way too much–suggested that I write about what goes through a guy’s head while he’s falling in love.

It was then that I realized that women don’t really know what goes on in a guy’s head most of the time. Sexist stereotypes dictate that women are the logical ones–sometimes maybe too logical. They think and re-think things until the problem gets way too complicated for them to understand. On the other hand, men are easily distracted and can forget their problems at the sight of a bacon cheeseburger, or boobs.

Um…huh. Those are…hmm. What were we talking about?

For those of you who are interested, this article on the stages that men have to go through before deciding that they are inexorably and irrevocably in love says it all: it is a long process, and it doesn’t stop even when we’ve already gotten the girl. As the article succinctly puts, the main goal of men at the start is to get the girl to fall in love with him. Only when we are in the clear do we start thinking about where we really stand. But more on that later.

In an attempt to get more substance for this post, I asked some of my male friends to give me answers and (as expected) only one of them answered (and only with the promise of beer and food). This is what he said to me:

“We dream, we dream of the future with that one person. Every second of every day, that girl will be in our head no matter how hard we try to get them out. We find ourselves daydreaming about them. Girls may think it’s only them that smile for no reason or get butterflies. No, not at all. We get the same feeling as girls do. Well, the good guys do. There are guys who fall too hard and too fast because we love that feeling of finally having a good girl. We fall too hard because we need reassurance that they won’t leave us and that they’ll always be there.

Girls need to learn that when a guy tries his hardest to keep you in his life, you mean a little more to him than anyone else. We understand that you guys are scared to get hurt but in all honesty, we are as scared as you guys are–at least I am. We could fall for anyone who treats us special, but we want to be assured that at the end of the day, we fall for a girl who treats us as her life. You know some guys find girls that are only beautiful on the outside. And then there are guys who find girls that are only beautiful on the inside. But then, only a couple of guys can get lucky and find that one girl who’s beautiful inside and out. We’re scared for that one to get away. You may assume that the only thing we think about is sex. But it’s nowhere even near that. We think of what’s best for you guys, and we’re scared. We think of anything and everything to please you.”

Well, that’s his take anyway. I agree with it for the most part but this is my blog and I’ve been asked to provide my own point of view. (The dude who wrote that one up there also warned me that I will receive serious bodily harm if I post his answer without giving my own, so there’s that.)

So anyway, here goes.

Remember, the question is this: What goes through a guy’s mind when he’s falling for a girl?

It’s pretty simple, really. Our mind goes from thinking that we’re all logical and smart to, basically, “askjdlkjglkasjiouwdkns”. Even the smartest person on earth will be as dumb as the next guy when he’s in love. It kind of sneaks up on you. When you get to see her, everything’s more defined. It’s like when I put on glasses for the first time after putting it off for years. I was like, ‘Holy Hera, everything’s in Hi-Def’. Being with that particular girl is like that. The colors are more vibrant, the edges of objects crisper. Nothing sucks.

When she’s gone, all of a sudden you find yourself wanting to see her more–and you don’t really know or understand why. It’s just something about her…something about her makes you smile. You talk to her as much as you can, or you try to anyways. You send her Tweets or comment on her Facebook posts just so you’d have this tangible connection. A few days ago, I saw a Tweet saying that waiting for someone to come online is a painful and sometimes heartbreaking thing–you have no idea how true that is.

And even though you try to talk to her all the time, there are moments when you’re just at a loss for words. It’s because she’s gorgeous, in more ways than one, and you literally lose every thought in your mind. The only thing going through a guy’s mind at this time is “wow…this girl is…wow”, and he wants to tell her that.

You want to tell her that, but something’s holding you back. It’s not the right time, or you might scare her off. Sometimes these fears are irrational, but sometimes we have reasons for thinking so. The girl could have been hurt in the past by a guy and you don’t want to be associated with him by a stereotype, or the girl might be doing something that makes us think they’re not interested, or maybe the girl’s giving off a vibe that you’re creeping her out–something along those lines.

Anyway, as you come up with more and more convoluted ways to talk to her, time passes by. Days, weeks, months. No matter how long it takes, you find it strange when a day passes by without you talking to her. She’s on your mind all the damn time. Thoughts like “man, I wish she was here” or “I can’t get over how pretty her eyes are in this picture” race through your head, all the while trying to justify that you’re not stalking, you’re just concerned. You miss her.

And if you’re lucky enough, you might just be able to jump onto the next level. Before you know it, you’re with her and your heart starts racing as your body begins to get shaky. You don’t want her to see your hands trembling, but short of taping it to the wall, you can’t do anything about it. You’re that nervous. In front of everyone, you flirt a little bit with her just to test the waters. And if she plays back, you swallow everything and lightly go to take her hand. In front of every one.

Your friends are cheering you on in their heads. You can see it in their eyes–the pride, the urging. Because of course they know all about the girl. Guys usually don’t care much about secrets–not as much as girls seemingly do, anyway.

And then you look into her eyes just to see if she’s just as nervous as you are…..and at that point it’s fair to say you’ve fallen for the girl. Maybe not totally gone off the ledge, fallen in love. But she’s definitely going to be in almost every thought you have. And every moment you’re not with her, you’re going to wish you were. And if you’re lucky enough to reach the point where she starts taking your hand first? Good luck son. Heart will be skipping beats, running around willy-nilly while you try not to have a heart attack every time you see her. Pulse will be skyrocketing. Words may even stutter. I guess what I’m getting at is, a girl is kind of like an addiction. Not in a bad way (most of the time). But once one catches your attention, you can never get enough of her. You want more. You want to see her more. You want to hold her more. And above all else you want her to smile more…because all of those things, they give you a rush you just can’t replace.

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136 thoughts on “What Goes Through a Guy’s Head When He’s Falling in Love

  1. Pingback: Celebrating the Love Month: A Valentine’s Day Anthology | Coffee and Keystrokes

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      • I agree with Natalie. What you wrote actually made me sigh (in a good way).
        What I wish, is that guys were not afraid to express some of these thoughts because there are girls out there (like myself) who would love to hear it.

    • Speechless. I know mushy mushy girlie feelings. But the way you worded everything was like a dream come true. Guys do think this way, have butterflies and loving feelings. I so loved it . I’m so glad I found and read this blog.

      Danielle

  3. Wow! Just wow! I wouldn’t think that a guy would have such an all-encompassing experience of falling in love. But it seems like more than what a girl goes through. Pretty amazing! Well done!

  4. wow!!! i wish my husabnd said things like that …. i agree with Natalie , it’s nice to know not all men are like ” I am man , you are woman” about love and relationships

  5. Wow this is the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. It’s nice to know that a guy can really open up and say that. Thanks so much! I’ve been confused in a friendship turning into a relationship and this helped a lot. I’m glad we aren’t the only ones who think this stuff.

    • Most guys have this stoic facade but deep down, we’re as big a softie as everyone else. We get scared, we get butterflies, we fall in love. I’m glad you liked it, and I’m glad I’m able to help.

    • Thanks, Angela! Don’t worry, most men I know feel these things. It’s just a matter of coaxing these feelings out of ’em. But even if they don’t admit it, you should know that it’s there. Deep down.

  6. I’m wondering whether I’ve had that effect on a certain guy… He always seems so cool on the surface. I wish I could read his mind.

    Those boobs are really pretty.

  7. Simply beautiful! I read this at least once a day! Maybe because I like to think HE feels this way about me……*sigh* 😉

  8. The blog is awsum nd reallity as well as the truth u studied the mind of a boy very well… And once again its awsome!!!!

  9. This is amazing!!! A real look into it!
    It’s really nice to know that you guys experience everything the same way we do.
    The constant ache for each other, the fear and butterflies…
    It was always a bit of a mystery, especially as guys always seem to play it so cool!! 😀 Actually, it seems like you experience it even harder than we do! And i think that’s beautiful.
    Thanks 🙂

    • Oh, guys are just as (sometimes even more) emotional as girls. But we don’t know how to deal with it so we keep it buried. Don’t worry though, it’s there.

      And thanks, btw!

  10. I’m really glad I ran across this post. You have answered about every single question I’ve had on my mind for about the past 2 weeks to the past month. It’s nice to finally see a guys perspective on this, because I’ve seen articles on the internet that girls have written and they just didn’t answer my questions and concerns. Now though, to actually hear that guys get butterflies and are just as nervous as girls, it really helps me understand a few things. It’s also nice to finally know the answer to the question, “Do I cross his mind as much as he crosses mine?” Thanks for this post, you’ve really been a great help, more than you know!!

    • Hi Sally! When I wrote this, I wasn’t thinking of helping people. I just wanted to get it out there that guys are not the macho, poker-faced automatons they seemed to be when it comes to feelings. They’re as sappy as everyone else. But looking at all the comments from readers, I’m touched that I’ve been able to help and inform.

      So how is this gonna change the way you deal with guys then? Let me know!

  11. I think I finally understand what Love is all about. This article has opened my eyes about my blossoming realtionship. I have never felt like this before and I now know that it is something very special indeed. Thanks for this brilliant insight on love from a male’s point of view.

  12. I was wondering, how should a girl reply to a guy saying things like “All girls who kickbox are hot” or “I want to marry a girl who kickboxes” (he found out that I kickbox and started saying things like this and I just didn’t know how to respond so I didn’t say anything.) He even twirled me around when we danced to a slow song, would sometimes touch my feet with his when he sits behind me. But he wouldn’t look at me directly and would look to the side of my face? The thing is, this was before summer break. Now, after the summer, he doesn’t say those things but he somehow finds some excuses to touch me (rarely) and he would wave at me. We rarely have a chance to talk though, and I don’t want him to think that I’m not interested at all because I really am–I just don’t really show it lol he is a really really smart guy, a year younger than me, and is very sweet towards his younger sisters. How do I get him to know that I am interested without being too forward?
    I am 17, he is 16

    • Talk to him! Find excuses to spend time with him! And when you do, look into his eyes all the damn time. If he’s smart, he’ll figure it out! (And he totally sounds like a great guy. Good catch, Ally!)

  13. Thank you for this post! Sometimes I wonder with this guy I talk to everyday on the phone if he thinks about me as much as I think about him….hard to know sometimes what runs through their minds. 🙂

    • Sweetie, if he spends time talking to you on the phone, he’s into you. Most guys HATE talking on the phone. And trust me, if he’s into you, then you’re probably in his head 90% of the time. So good luck!

  14. Dude…I just read ur article on how a guy feels when he’s in love. I found ur article pretty sweet ,honest and funny too. 🙂
    There’s been this guy in my head and ur article sort of gives me hope..also clears many of my doubts . Keep up the writings 🙂 it’s pretty cool

  15. Thank you for the article- very helpful. This guy I have been texting and talking on the phone with seemed quiet for the past 2 days. He seems more quiet than usual since we met on 3 days ago and I said I was not hungry ( I REALLY WAS NOT FEELING WELL) when we made dinner plans & I only had tea & said I cant go to the restaurant and eat. I texted the next day to say sorry and make arrangements for the following weekend & he said OK… but still he more quiet than usual & no initiation of contact as he usually does.
    I did say I want 2 be friends because he came on too strong and I wanted to make sure he was not a player. He listens and will not do something I don’t like again. I really like that and I want to make sure I get a chance to make up for my mistake. Am I over thinking it?

    • Hi Rose! The length of this comment is making me say yes, you’re overthinking it. But guess what, you’re allowed to overthink. That’s not a bad thing, as long as you don’t let it rule you. Have fun, let loose, and use your words. It always works, I promise.

  16. That really is so true, I am quite open to admit I am secretly a soppy git, I never used to let this come out of me, but after nearly 4 years of what has become a beautiful relationship I am with someone who does not want the big macho bloke, they are happy with me being me.
    I aim to do nothing else by the end of the day other than insure my lady is happy with me, because that brings me joy 🙂

  17. This made my heart melt. Now I have a better understanding of how the guy I’m dating feels. The first part about the guy wanting the girl to fall first hit home. My guy has asked twice “Do you love me yet?”

    • Hi Shannon! Guys are inherently vulnerable. They need that assurance that the girl they like likes them back before they admit to themselves that they are irrevocably, head over heels in love. If he asks that, chances are he’s smitten. Congratulations!

  18. This is so true. My boyfriend of 3months a few weeks ago told me he was falling in love with me and at the very end he asked me was that ok with me after telling me and of course I said yes and that I’m falling for you too. (Yes we’rd both old fashioned lol and from Louisiana. Lmbo dated 3months before getting in a relationship so almost 7months total.) A few days ago he called me at 3am just to tell me how happy he is to have someone to talk no matter the time and just knowing I’m here waiting for him to come home puts a smile on his face even on his worst days. (He works off shore on a rig.) It wasn’t until two days ago did I realized I was inlove with him. I was at work and my coworker was talking another her hubby and I immediately thought about my bf bc he was gone 2weeks offshore. Out of no where my stomach was upset like I had butterflies and my breathing got shallow. I was anxious, excited, and panicking all at the same time. My friend asked what was wrong… Then it hit me out of no where. Right then and there I couldn’t imagine my life without this amazing man at my side. This is th first time this had ever happen to me. My friends and I laugh about it now but it was truly like being hit by Cupid’s arrow. My grandma was right, true love hits you out of no where and every day w/o that person will always feel like your missing a piece of your self. (^_^)

  19. Damn, these are my exact thoughts and feelings. His eyes tell a story, and I read them like a book! He’s in love with me and I with him! I own his heart, undoubtedly.

  20. I’m not even sure how I ended up here, but I am so glad I did.
    Everything I read was beautiful, I had butterflies and even read some parts twice to make sure I read it correctly.
    I did read one comment that stated men should not be afraid to share such thoughts Bc some women want to hear this. I have always been the romantic type, but to hear a man confess these things as I have, and you don’t share the same feelings,it Is an awful feeling. Careful what you wish for.

  21. Wow. i’ve always wondered whatvit was like for a guy, now I can totally understand why my boyfriend has maybe done certain things in the last and in the present. it totally makes sense. The way you said it was just so heartwarming! Like what you were trying to explain was so difficult you had to try and describe what you meant in so many different ways and you still aren’t sure if you managed to put your point across clearly. I thoroughly enjoyed the read 🙂

  22. A little late here… but this really made me happy. I’ve been talking to a guy for 2 months and he already has told me he loves me and thinks I’m precious (awww). He’s in New York and I’m in Texas so we skype almost every day…he’s coming to see me in a few days and I’m so excited! He even offered to pay for me to come see him for 2 weeks this summer, if not just stay with him the whole summer break. My gut feeling says this is real and I’m such a lucky girl!

  23. And what happens…and how would you feel if that girl left you after you confided a secret you’ve been keeping. But after some thought she came back. Could you open your heart to her again or would you be afraid to love her again.

    • Trusting her again could be hard, Lyla. But that’s what loving is. Taking a risk. Giving her the knife and baring your vulnerabilities. What you have to figure out is, is he/she worth it?

  24. I’m in a long distance relationship with a guy who I know is crazy in love with me because I can feel it and he always finds a way to let me know it! What you have written reminds me sooo much of him, we haven’t met in person yet since we’re literally seas apart but we’ll meet soon and I just can’t wait, sometimes I think he’s a catfish because he’s too amazing haha but I know he’s not! Girls, there are romantic and great men out there, don’t lose your hopes!

    Thanks for writing this gem! God bless you 🙂

  25. Ok… So I was a bit concerned about the content of this blog, before I read it, when I just saw the picture of boobs lol.. But I’m glad I did read it!!! I ended up here randomly but you gave me chills!!!! I’m lucky enough to have a man that is willing to share these things with me. We’re like.. Head over heels in love with each other and are very open about telling each other. Everything you described just makes me smile and possibly even love him more. Beautifully written, and I hope to read more from you!

  26. I am very fortunate to have a guy like this. And guys like him are precious jewels. Am not religious at all …but it seems like a match made in heaven!

  27. Excellent article, thank you for sharing. Is it possible that when a guy really likes a woman he can go the other way completely and clam up in her presence? I have been dating for about two months, and the man is something special….I can tell by his body mannerisms that he likes me a lot. I felt there was no mental connection developing and thought it best we revert to friends only. He said that when he likes someone a lot he gets very shy and finds it hard to talk and open up and this has been a problem for him in the past when he liked someone. With others he said he can chat freely when he is not bothered about them. This does make sense to me because I am the other way….I chat too much when I really like someone, it’s like a nervousness takes over my brain. Has anyone else had this situation where a guy can clam up when they really like you?

    • This could happen, of course. We all react to attraction differently. But, as John Green would say: USE YOUR WORDS. If you know he’s shy, be the one to reach out. You’ll be glad you did.

  28. First of all, thanks for this. I’ve been wanting to know what guys really feel when they fall in love, and this is the first article that I’ve read that really answered my question. This is raw emotion, man! It’s great. 🙂

    I checked your other blog entry, and it seems you met your current girlfriend *after* this article was written. So obviously you’ve fallen in love more than once. Does it feel different, falling in love with another person? Or is it the same thing over again?

    • It’s different for each person, of course. I’ve fallen in love more than once and in varying degrees. Sometimes it’s just a yearning to be with that person, other times it’s a burning desire that cannot be quenched by anything less than intimacy.

  29. Thank you for sharing , it’s so good to finally feel relieved that guys are careful what they do or say. That explains why my boyfriend can’t be more open with his feelings as much as I am with mine. I let him know exactly how I feel when I see him, the only thing that worries me is that he can’t express it back. I guess it’s okay and all I have to do is wait patiently when he finally tells me he loves me , it’s been 6 month now and I’ve just been so patient with him when it comes to being more open with me , I just can’t get over that he was seeing this girl for 3 months and he tells her he loved her. And it’s 6 months for us and he can’t even tell me how he really feels. Oh well all I can do is wait.:/

    • Hi Jen!

      What I’m getting from this is that your man may be afraid to say he loves you too fast. If he only dated the other girl from three months, he might be thinking that he isn’t ready to admit he’s in love with someone again too quickly, and wants to take things slow. Help him open up. Help him know that you two are going to be fine, that you won’t wreck his heart once he hands it to you.

      Good luck!

  30. Hi, ive just read this to give me a little peace of mind and I really liked it…I would like a little guy advice on wether the guy ive been meeting is loosing interest, we’ve only been dating 2 weeks buts we’ve seen each other everyday! At first he was very truthful about his feelings, for example…telling me that “its irrational to feel this way about a girl after this short amount of time” “I wanna be with you” “I feel like I could fall in love with you”
    I totally feel the same and I have in a round about way agreed with his feelings about me feeling the same, however now I feel like I need that constant reassurance that he still feels that way, i know hes busy with work and things but now sometimes I dont get any messages in the morning, we dont chat as often even though he still tells me hes thinking about me, but I feel like ive fallen really hard for him and now he knows this, its like his feelings aren’t as the way they were at the beginning and now it’s like im the one whos needing to tell him how much I miss him, but im scares its going yo freak him out but also I feel lile I need to get it off my cheat that ive fallen for him before I get in too deep and get hurt, what the hell do I do??

    • I say pull back and give him space. Guys certainly seem to want you more when you’re not so available. I have to say…this behavior is very characteristic of men. They are really into you at first and then suddenly they cool way off, many times disappearing altogether. Check any blog online you will see women scratching their heads like mad stating “everything was so great, I don’t know what happened.” If you ever find out this answer tell me because I certainly can’t explain it….been there myself.

    • Hi Laura Jen!

      How are things? If this is still the case, I’d recommend just talking to him. In the immortal words of John Green: use your words. It’s a win-win. If you tell him how he feel and he doesn’t feel the same way, walk away. You’d have been spared the hurt. If he does feel the same way, then go forth and multiply.

  31. I LOVED this. Wow. My friend recently became single again, about a year after I realized I was in love with him (but helpless to do anything about it). His wife finally left him (separated, not divorced yet) and I’ve been in shock. He and I have talked on the phone about three times, each time for 3-4 hours, and though he plays a tough guy and keeps his guard up and will never give an inch in terms of admitting how he feels about me, I feel…a nervous, devouring energy hurtling toward me. I don’t know if it’s specifically about me. He asks a million questions about how I’m doing, what I’m working on, in an anxious terse interrogative way, almost as though he wants to fill the time or avoid being asked about himself. He gets extremely self-conscious about what I think of him, even blurting, “You don’t like it when I…” I feel an almost sharp, animalistic attunement to every wave and flicker of my possible attraction to him (even though I feel I’ve been SO CLEAR AND OBVIOUS short of saying the words), like he desperately wants me to like him but is also horrified by the prospect that I might. Then he went AWOL on me and hasn’t answered any texts or emails or phone calls in a month. Is it possible he freaked himself out so much that he went silent? Should I back off until he gets un-freaked?

  32. Hey!

    Hoping you will still read this since you haven’t had a post in a while. I found this post and you are such an incredible writer! It blew my mind when I was reading it. It’s just amazing, your style of writing and I have been reading a lot of blogs and magazines but this was the most passionate article I have read so far. Well.. It sounds very passionate haha! You are very talented and hope you’ll be posting more in the future!

    I have been dating a guy for two months now and your post helped me realize you men are just like us ladies ;). It helped me not going crazy and overthink every little detail, if you know what I mean 😉 haha.

    Just wanted to thank you for this amazing post and I really enjoy reading it. I’ve read it like 80.000 times now haha (not even joking). Hope to see more of you in the future!

    Greetings from Netherlands!

    Chiena.

  33. I loved your article so much. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. The last month I have been searching through the internet if there are some hints on what a man thinks or what it means when he does certain things. Now, I feel more comfortable because he might feel the same as I do. So overwhelmed, confused, raised heart beat, blushing (except for the fact that he doesn’t blush) …
    The problem is that we know each other for 2 years now and are really good friends. We talk about everything and something switched. I don’t even really know what it was, probably the more intimate conversations. He is so curious about me, asks a lot of questions, accidentally touches me (not sexually), accepts that I haven’t had sex before and since last month I think I like him more than a friend.
    I hope something like that goes on in his mind as in your article. If you have some advise, I would be very thankful.
    Love your way of writing.

    • Hi Jeanne!

      Looks like you have a good man there. What’s the problem, exactly? If you like him and you’re not sure if he does too, talk to him. Believe me, it will help. If it doesn’t, I will give you my home address so you can come to me and punch me in the face. Sound good?

  34. Omg that’s so amazing to know what goes through a guys mind when he’s with a girl he really really really likes. I read this because I’m writing a novel for school and I need to write from a guys point a view. Thanks so much for this post…very helpful!!!

  35. Wow, this reminds me of my boyfriend, now fiance so much. He is so compassionate, I am so blessed that he expresses his feelings towards me. He was shy at first, he said he didn’t want to scare me away, but now… it is love in the fullest. Thanks for sharing : )

  36. This is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever read. And of course all I could imagine was the one guy I’m in love with myself. If he feels even half of these feelings for me I’ll be over the moon, and I can actually easily imagine him doing just so. I have never known a sweeter guy. When hugging him goodbye after a movie night, he actually looks giddy.
    So just maybe he really is just as affected as I am? I certainly am a lost whenever I see him.
    Thank you for sharing this!

  37. OH.MY.GOD ……This is literally one of the BEST articles i’ve ever read… I NEVER thought a guy would fall for a girl that hard *—–* ….. And to be honest this made me tear A LITTLE BIT cause I was wondering if my crush thinks of me that way too!! and i guess it hit me in the feels haha! Thank you SO MUCH for this article 🙂

  38. A research to assist me in writing certain articles of mine brought me here and I have really enjoyed ur write-up.
    Congratulations and keep it up

  39. Hi, came across this trying to figure out why he (my boyfriend) is in love with me (or says he is). It makes so much sense, especially the part about being scared to say certain things. He looks at me like he loves me, but often holds back from saying things.. I thought he just wanted sex all the time then I read this and now I think I understand him better. Thank you!

  40. Days, weeks, months to respond but you’re still thinking about that person? So glad I know this now. Exactly what I’m going through

  41. Patrick,

    This article was so helpful, thank you so much! My heart feels so soothe 🙂 I’m so glad I found your post!

    Question for you, if you could help me understand this please…if a man buries his feelings very deep, how does it usually come to the surface? Do life events have to trigger him in some way? Or maybe finally giving in just due to natural timing? How does he go from being in denial to letting it all flow? Many thanks!

  42. Hi Patrick and All, Thank you for the post, indeed a fantastic and insightful read! I have read this and feel absolutely amazed and now have some slight hope that I do stand a chance of a relationship with a guy I really like. We attend the same gym, he always smiles at me and I return his smiles effortlessly, as though it is such a natural thing to do, we now often engage in a friendly chat and I shiver each time he passes by soooo close to me as though on purpose. I have been in many relationships before and most of them developed pretty quickly but this time around I can definitely feel something entirely different, more profound, like on another level. And it seems to naturally progress. Certainly I still have doubts and sometimes think maybe it is all just in my head, but each time we see each other and talk, or he passes by or touches me or we do a set of exercises on the mats close to each other, it is like a diferent dimension altogether which both seem to enjoy but afraid to make the next step. I will remain cheerful and happy, craving those gym hours.. Cheers..

  43. Hey there,

    So. First off, this is seriously such a lovely post! It is nice to get a more emotional male perspective than the general macho “men don’t have feelings” crap I am so used to being told. haha. Anyway,
    The reason why I came onto this blog is to try and figure out if my friend is falling for me. .

    We’ve been friends for about 5 months now, and for about four of those months, we chat every day. After the first three or so I developed feelings for him and told him how I feel. (this is after daily chats, phonecalls that last usually just over 2 hours, our record is a four hour phone call. flirting etc etc) He said that he doesn’t see me in that way, but he doesn’t want to lose my friendship and he wont treat me any differently. And that’s what he did, we carried on as normal and even joked and I told him that falling for me is inevitable. Now time has obviously gone on and we are closer every day. He gets jealous of other guys that chat to me as well. . Then last night he told me that he is addicted to me….

    I am not going to tell him that I still have feelings for him..im assuming I am pretty obvious haha. I just don’t know how to take that phrase?

  44. I like this guy so much and i don’t know why. I told him that i like him in a funny, flirty way but through private message only, he is not responding on my messages but whenever we are in a gathering, i can see in his eyes that he feels something about me too. You know how it hurts when someone special ignores you right, but i really don’t know why deep inside me, i feel he likes me too but he is just holding back.

  45. first comment of 2015 !!
    well, I just wanted to say that thank you for writing this…that question has always crossed my mind and I never knew the answer to it until now ! After reading this post, it made me realize that men are actually capable of falling in love haha
    so once again, thanks for opening my eyes !!

  46. Hey thanks for this topic I’m in love with my male friend /roommate we grew up together so we were Friends first good friend / wonderful roommate we finally hooked up after we got older I became his women and just to say I have 8 kids who think he is the greatest and he has 2 kids then all of a sudden we became friends again I don’t know what happened Between us we are still roommates he helps me with my 8 yr. Old son he’s a wonderful dad to his children and my son I know he cares and has feelings for me and my kids when we home its like were a family so we respect our home I know he cares and me I’m truly in love with this man I think about him every day and night he constantly on my mind I cook for the house clean and he works very hard Everyday even when he comes homes he find something to do and spend quality time with the boys there was a a time when we both told each other we had Feelings for one another I’m just curious to know is he feeling me and thinking bout me or maybe be in love with me but scared to say something and when ever we have sex is different he make love to me I now the difference Just giving some insight this situation can you please tell me what you think of this situation help me please Is he protecting his heart like I’m protecting mines and also I’m afraid to tell him I’m in love with him. again I’m just curious again to know if we both thinking the same thank you very interesting topic .

  47. i love this so much its so beautiful,really appreaciate but all this you wrote really reflect in two of my friend am so confuse hw do i know who love me best

  48. Patrick I need your opinion, i’m a married women and there is this guy who is also married. We both live in the same building condominium. Since October this guy had showed me all the signs that he is interested in me, to be honest with I really like the attention I got from him. But today I wanted to know the truth, so I called him and I asked him this ” viktor I don’t know if its me or there is something going on, because you smile at me, you stare at me a lot, you appear at places, and you know what he said? ” no there is nothing going on” and I asked him again ” are you sure? And he answer me saying ” a 100% sure. And then he told me that he had to go and he hang up on me. So I text him and told him that I was not sure. If he was driving, but I told him that I like to chat more with him and I told him I was at the mall that he could pass by and talk to me. So he texted me back and told me ” i’m a married man I love my family i’m sorry that you got the wrong idea.”. I was fuming!!!! Because he started everything, and now I have a feelings for him and I feel so hurt.

  49. Beautiful sentiment. As a woman, I’ve put my heart out there for a few guys. They show interest for several weeks or months, make promises, and are very attentive. Then at some point in time they withdraw. Sometimes even disappear. Two of these individuals had told me they loved me. Then they left me incredibly confused and heartbroken. Great post, but until I meet a man whose actions reflect his words, I’ll believe the type of men you speak of are merely outliers. A rarity in the general population of men.

  50. Wow i really enjoyed reading this!
    Ive been doing researches about this and i finally found my answer!
    My Man is very confident and shows his feelings… Problem is i dont. Well sometimesxbut not much.^^;
    I was wondering if dat hurts him or he understands that this is new to me since its my first relationship.

  51. My ! this article helped me realize that the guy i’ve been crying for doesn’t love me at all ! I want that !
    Thank you ❤

  52. So i have to say just reading this just gave me goosebumps, let me explain ive been friends with this guy for little over a year now and so one day we were talking cant remember about what but so i asked him what was he talking about And so he send a message with “askjdlkjglkasjiouwdkns” lol i was like did he have a seizure or something but lately we been having many downs and so of course i was googling and came upon your site and before i could get my thoughts together i saw the “askjdlkjglkasjiouwdkns” and thts when it became so clear, i have to say i thank you for writing this cause for a split second i thought i was loosing my mind with this guy but now it makes sense:-) thank you again..

  53. I absolutely love this article. Never….and I do mean never…have I ever noticed something like this with a guy until recently. I think it’s great that guys get mushy too. Like one of the other commenters, I wish guys would just say some of this stuff, but with being scared & all, now I understand why it isn’t said.

  54. This is truly beautiful. I cannot imagine that my boyfriend, or anyone else in this world, would think this but I am just in awe that guy’s are just as caring as girls. You are an amazing writer and whoever is your significant other is very lucky.

  55. am happy i saw this post,buh the problem is he is crazyly inlove with me,buh i just wanna be friend with him.still i dont wanna hurt his feelings.what should i do?

  56. I stumbled up on this as I was trying to write a difficult scene from a male’s POV. This is very helpful … and ever so much more. What a raw and honest portrayal! THAT is exactly what women want to know! I promise not to plagiarize you, but I will be rereading this several times for various male characters. Thank you!

  57. Hi I’m Erin, I have known this one guy now for over a year, he and I have sooo much in common just insane, and I started to fall for him(still falling) but he does have a thing with two other girls, so I kept quiet about my feelings for a while until it was breaking me down inside and so I finally told him how I felt. He told me he wished I would have said it sooner, and that he had a feeling I liked him but didn’t want to push me into saying so. He also said he has never had a connection (closeness in his words) with anyone other then his long time girlfriend of 6 years, that he has with me and doesn’t want to lose that nor lose me… so is he afraid of me in a way? After I told him things are still the same, I should add this is an online thing. So I do also feel as if he wants a relationship with me and wants to meet me face to face and start something then. So complicated.

  58. I love this. We all have both masculine and feminine energies and society just wants us to harness one! It’s sad, so when I read something like this I just fall in love with, love! It’s beautiful. This was so nice to read, thank you for being vulnerable. That is such a neat thing to be, instead of hiding behind fear and being someone you aren’t. ❤

  59. Cute and all but totally worthless if you never tell her.
    And a WOMAN who does not hear this stuff will end up walking away.
    We don’t have forever and no one wants to marry a ‘man’ who is scared.
    Total turn off.
    Get over your ego boys and speak your mind or lose her forever.
    Period.

  60. Hey, nice. Now I know why HE did that (at the party – it’s pretty much the same as you have described). I was reading on “Signs he likes you, is falling for you” etc. All kinda positive but confusing. But I’m very cautious and wondering at what freaking stage HE is. I guess you gave it away: ” and at that point it’s fair to say you’ve fallen for the girl. Maybe not totally gone off the ledge, fallen in love. But she’s definitely going to be in almost every thought you have.” I’m pretty sure this is it. Yet, I’m not sure how much that is. Enough for letting my guards down? I don’t know. Regards! 🙂

  61. I just came across this. Thank you. For 2.5 years a man who went through a bitter divorce has been interested in me, but could never move beyond talking after our weekly discussion group. He would hug me, display affection and flirt with me, then get scared and back away. This cycle went on and I could see it. Finally a few months ago he was really flirting with me, but apparently there was another man in the group who was checking me out the whole time. After group he was outside, his demeanor was as if someone had crushed him, he left without saying goodbye to me and has not returned. I have not contacted him, giving him his space. He did show up to my group on the next Monday and like a little boy with his crush poked me in the arm to make sure I saw he was there and rubbed my back, like he would do (only to me not to any other woman). I know that his fears from his past relationship, which his wife left taking his son who he never gets to see has broken him and it is going to take time. When you love someone, the greatest gift you can give them is the freedom to be able to find peace and heal. I have been working on myself, mentally, physically, spirituality so I can be a better person all I can do is leave him to figure out what he needs to so he can be a better person. My hope is that he finds his way back to me when he gets there.

  62. Ok a bit late here. I was courting a guy for 6.5 weeks when he suddenly switch to “we are moving too fast, let’s slow down ” mind you that it was him texting and calling and inviting me over 90% of the time. I did started to develop intense feelings for him. But when he said those words I heard break up so I ended it for him. I don’t understand men, their words and actions don’t support each other.

  63. Dude, in all honesty I needed to read this tonight. It’s really damn difficult to understand that he is in love when he doesn’t just come out and say it. But I will gladly soak up every moment that he gives me that “wow… She’s just… Wow” look with the utmost patience of hearing him state those three words I see in his eyes. I’m really hoping those glances will develop beyond more than just a simple passing glance, however, that will not stop me from showing him every moment what he means to me. Thank you.

  64. Hi there,

    I’ve been dating this guy for about 2 months already. About two weeks ago we had a moment just watching tv he confided in me and told me a secret that he doesn’t share with a lot of people not even some of his friends. At that moment would I be able to say he has fallen for me? He also mentioned that he is lucky to have me. I said we are both lucky. Although every now and then I just get anxious, butterflies, and think about all the happy things with him.

    We text pretty much everyday too. Guess he’s slowly falling for me and vice versa?

  65. What if a man acts like that one day…and not two days later? What’s going on in his mind then? He says it’s friendship, but can’t stop “accidentally” showing up where I am, making a beeline for me, smiling/laughing/joking, slightly touching – wiping hair from my eyes or “hold still, there’s a mosquito on you” statements. Hugs me full body when we meet up, asks for hugs when he leaves me. But will not/cannot ask me out – not ready to date. What do I do with that? Please, guys, tell us what’s on your minds…I have, and been burned, but it’s worth it, I think. Fantastic writing – read it over and over again, waiting for that man…

  66. Pingback: What Goes Through a Guy’s Head When Falling in Love? – Penned Daydreams

  67. I’ve spent 9 years on my own….. often pushing people away.
    This has put a new perspective on things. The sweetest thing I’ve read in a very long time xx

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