A few friends have been asking me to write about something more ‘serious’ and ‘meaningful’ on this blog since, according to them, I’ve only been writing about shallow stuff that don’t really help anyone (yeah, thanks guys). So I asked them what they wanted to see on my blog and one of them–a small, usually timid girl who likes the concept of love way too much–suggested that I write about what goes through a guy’s head while he’s falling in love.
It was then that I realized that women don’t really know what goes on in a guy’s head most of the time. Sexist stereotypes dictate that women are the logical ones–sometimes maybe too logical. They think and re-think things until the problem gets way too complicated for them to understand. On the other hand, men are easily distracted and can forget their problems at the sight of a bacon cheeseburger, or boobs.
For those of you who are interested, this article on the stages that men have to go through before deciding that they are inexorably and irrevocably in love says it all: it is a long process, and it doesn’t stop even when we’ve already gotten the girl. As the article succinctly puts, the main goal of men at the start is to get the girl to fall in love with him. Only when we are in the clear do we start thinking about where we really stand. But more on that later.
In an attempt to get more substance for this post, I asked some of my male friends to give me answers and (as expected) only one of them answered (and only with the promise of beer and food). This is what he said to me:
“We dream, we dream of the future with that one person. Every second of every day, that girl will be in our head no matter how hard we try to get them out. We find ourselves daydreaming about them. Girls may think it’s only them that smile for no reason or get butterflies. No, not at all. We get the same feeling as girls do. Well, the good guys do. There are guys who fall too hard and too fast because we love that feeling of finally having a good girl. We fall too hard because we need reassurance that they won’t leave us and that they’ll always be there.
Girls need to learn that when a guy tries his hardest to keep you in his life, you mean a little more to him than anyone else. We understand that you guys are scared to get hurt but in all honesty, we are as scared as you guys are–at least I am. We could fall for anyone who treats us special, but we want to be assured that at the end of the day, we fall for a girl who treats us as her life. You know some guys find girls that are only beautiful on the outside. And then there are guys who find girls that are only beautiful on the inside. But then, only a couple of guys can get lucky and find that one girl who’s beautiful inside and out. We’re scared for that one to get away. You may assume that the only thing we think about is sex. But it’s nowhere even near that. We think of what’s best for you guys, and we’re scared. We think of anything and everything to please you.”
Well, that’s his take anyway. I agree with it for the most part but this is my blog and I’ve been asked to provide my own point of view. (The dude who wrote that one up there also warned me that I will receive serious bodily harm if I post his answer without giving my own, so there’s that.)
So anyway, here goes.
Remember, the question is this: What goes through a guy’s mind when he’s falling for a girl?
It’s pretty simple, really. Our mind goes from thinking that we’re all logical and smart to, basically, “askjdlkjglkasjiouwdkns”. Even the smartest person on earth will be as dumb as the next guy when he’s in love. It kind of sneaks up on you. When you get to see her, everything’s more defined. It’s like when I put on glasses for the first time after putting it off for years. I was like, ‘Holy Hera, everything’s in Hi-Def’. Being with that particular girl is like that. The colors are more vibrant, the edges of objects crisper. Nothing sucks.
When she’s gone, all of a sudden you find yourself wanting to see her more–and you don’t really know or understand why. It’s just something about her…something about her makes you smile. You talk to her as much as you can, or you try to anyways. You send her Tweets or comment on her Facebook posts just so you’d have this tangible connection. A few days ago, I saw a Tweet saying that waiting for someone to come online is a painful and sometimes heartbreaking thing–you have no idea how true that is.
And even though you try to talk to her all the time, there are moments when you’re just at a loss for words. It’s because she’s gorgeous, in more ways than one, and you literally lose every thought in your mind. The only thing going through a guy’s mind at this time is “wow…this girl is…wow”, and he wants to tell her that.
You want to tell her that, but something’s holding you back. It’s not the right time, or you might scare her off. Sometimes these fears are irrational, but sometimes we have reasons for thinking so. The girl could have been hurt in the past by a guy and you don’t want to be associated with him by a stereotype, or the girl might be doing something that makes us think they’re not interested, or maybe the girl’s giving off a vibe that you’re creeping her out–something along those lines.
Anyway, as you come up with more and more convoluted ways to talk to her, time passes by. Days, weeks, months. No matter how long it takes, you find it strange when a day passes by without you talking to her. She’s on your mind all the damn time. Thoughts like “man, I wish she was here” or “I can’t get over how pretty her eyes are in this picture” race through your head, all the while trying to justify that you’re not stalking, you’re just concerned. You miss her.
And if you’re lucky enough, you might just be able to jump onto the next level. Before you know it, you’re with her and your heart starts racing as your body begins to get shaky. You don’t want her to see your hands trembling, but short of taping it to the wall, you can’t do anything about it. You’re that nervous. In front of everyone, you flirt a little bit with her just to test the waters. And if she plays back, you swallow everything and lightly go to take her hand. In front of every one.
Your friends are cheering you on in their heads. You can see it in their eyes–the pride, the urging. Because of course they know all about the girl. Guys usually don’t care much about secrets–not as much as girls seemingly do, anyway.
And then you look into her eyes just to see if she’s just as nervous as you are…..and at that point it’s fair to say you’ve fallen for the girl. Maybe not totally gone off the ledge, fallen in love. But she’s definitely going to be in almost every thought you have. And every moment you’re not with her, you’re going to wish you were. And if you’re lucky enough to reach the point where she starts taking your hand first? Good luck son. Heart will be skipping beats, running around willy-nilly while you try not to have a heart attack every time you see her. Pulse will be skyrocketing. Words may even stutter. I guess what I’m getting at is, a girl is kind of like an addiction. Not in a bad way (most of the time). But once one catches your attention, you can never get enough of her. You want more. You want to see her more. You want to hold her more. And above all else you want her to smile more…because all of those things, they give you a rush you just can’t replace.