We just went through another Valentine’s Day and this year, by some stroke of luck and an unexpected olive branch from the Universe, I did not spend it alone. Anyway, for a lot of guys (and girls too!) the flower shop is the busiest hub. Some of these stores even hire extra people in the days leading up to Valentine’s Day, just to keep up. They attract a lot of people, but if you look closely, you’ll see they fall into one of five categories.
1. The Naive Boyfriend
This guy is so in love, he’s willing to blow all his money on anything that (he thinks) will make his girl happy.
We’ve all seen someone like this (or we’ve been him at some point). It’s probably his first girlfriend, and he’s not quite sure what a guy does in a relationship (hint: you’re not supposed to be a sugar daddy). So he’s a mainstay at the flower shop. He buys her flowers for their week-sary, monthsary, the monthsary of their first kiss, the first time they went out, the first time they had dinner, the first time she said she liked his tshirt, etc.
I don’t care much about the guy (he’s contributing to the economy), but his poor wallet.
2. The Guy with the Angry Girlfriend
One time, I walked into a flower shop and saw a couple of harassed-looking guys. One of them walked up to me and asked, “How mad is she?” What, just because I’m buying flowers, does it mean my SO is mad?
Apparently, most of the time, it does. These guys make up about 80% of the normal flower shop market. They also tend to buy really big bouquets: the larger the bouquet, the madder she is. So the next time you see a dude carrying a big-ass flower thingy, cut him some slack. He’s probably going through hell already.
3. The Guy Who Won’t Admit He’s Being Sweet
There are some guys in flower shops who just won’t admit that they’re doing something nice and sweet. They’ll give a lot of crap reasons as to why they’re buying flowers.
- “It’s not for me, it’s for a friend!”
- “She’s not my girlfriend! It’s just a joke! You know…a joke?”
- “It’s for my dog, I swear!”
- “I don’t support capitalist traditions, but she might get mad.”
There’s a lot of other excuses, and when you call them out on their bullshit, they get all red and shy. Huh. Macho crap.
4. The Guy (Or Girl!) Who’s Actually Buying It For His Friends
We’ve all met that one schmuck who actually buys flowers for all his lady friends. It’s a nice gesture, but given current flower prices, it’s a very very expensive gesture.
I’ve also know girls to buy flowers for their girlfriends, especially during Valentine’s. These are usually cheap short-stemmed roses that they hand to their close friends. You can hear them screaming in happiness and mock kilig from miles away.
5. The Girl (or Guy!) Who’s Buying Flowers for Herself (or Himself!)
There’s nothing wrong with buying flowers for yourself. But it does get a little weird when you start sending flowers to yourself in class or at work then putting on your surprised face when it arrives so people would think someone actually likes you.
Lesbi-honest here: nobody does.
So just go cuddle with your cat and be sad.
I’m just kidding. Valentine’s Day is for everyone. And remember: you don’t need one day in the entire year to show someone you love then. There are 364 other days (plus one more every four years).
Use them wisely.